Friday, December 20, 2013

Love is a good thing.....

*warning- Totally letting down my guard and being venerable.
Life, anywhere, is never always sunshine and cupcakes. Hold the frosting though. We so need more cupcakes here, for real! Life has its up's and its down's. Being a single mom too, is anything but a cake walk. Apparently I need more cake, shesh!  I have never before in my life, wanted to be married, more than I have wanted it the last year and a half. Simply to have a partner in life, and to also be yoked together with, toward the same goal, sharing...... life.
Some days I try to make sense of certain scriptures. If someone asks you to walk a mile with them, walk with them two. If someone asks for your shirt, give them your coat as well. These scriptures seem to surface in my mind often, esp when I am faced with certain things. And I wrestle with where they fit in the craziness of life. The simplicity of it all, is just so complicated!
Sometimes you find yourself feeling bruised, broken, eyes stinging from tears, sleepless nights, overactive mind, and drained. Lately that is how I feel........drained. As if I have nothing left in me to give. Not a single drop left. But in the midst of this, it has drove me harder to my knee's in prayer, than I have been in a long time. Desperate for the Lord to fill me. Desperate for him to then pour me back out. I remember someone telling me many years ago "when the well goes dry, you have to dig deeper." And that's where I have been lately, finding myself practically clawing at the ground, desperately in need of more of Him, to fill me up. Everything else is short lived, everything else is earthly, I have been in this desperateness for more and more of the living water. A unquenchable thirst. That pleading with your loaves of bread and a few measly fish. Multiple it Lord, only you can meet all the needs.
And then you are sitting in bed, the house has quieted, and your ipod is on shuffle. And this song comes on.......
It knocked me down, it dragged me out, it left me there for dead.
It took all the freedom I wanted and gave me something else instead.
It blew my mind, it bled me dry, it hit me like a long goodbye,
And nobody here knows better than I that it's a good thing.

Love is a good thing.
It'll fall like rain on your parade,
Laugh at the plans that you tried to make,
It'll wear you down till your heart just breaks
And it's a good thing.
Love is a good thing.

It'll wake you up in the middle of the night, it'll take just a little too much.
It'll burn you like a cinder till you're tender to the touch.
It'll chase you down, and swallow you whole, it'll make your blood run hot and cold.
Like a thief in the night it'll steal your soul, and that's a good thing.
Love is a good thing.

It'll follow you down to the ruin of your great divide,
Open the wounds that you tried to hide.
And there in the rubble of the heart that died
You'll find a good thing.
Cause love is a good thing.
Oh love is a good thing.

Ooo, take cover,
Ooo, the end is near.
Ooo, take cover,
But do not fear,
Do not fear.

Cause it'll break your will, it'll change your mind,
Loose all the chains of the ties that bind.
If you're lucky you'll never make it out alive, and that's a good thing.
Love is a good thing.

It can hurt like a blast from a hand grenade
When all that used to matter is blown away.
There in the middle of the mess it made you'll find a good thing.

Yes, it's worth every penny of the price you pay. It's a good thing.

Love is a good thing --(Ooo, take cover,)
Love is a good thing --(Ooo, the end is near,)
Oh love is a good thing --(Ooo, take cover.)
Do not fear.
~Andrew Peterson
And then you realize, its a good thing. You realize your brokenness can lead to healing, because it drives you into the hands that created you. That not having all the answers, or even half the answers, or heck, a quarter of the answers, because you know the one who does. And you realize when life is shaken up, and you struggle. The struggle itself isn't bad, its the reaction of weather to grow from it, or to be hindered by it.
Yeah, I am in a funk lately. A big fat ugly funk. The tears come too easily. The homesickness so strong, yet knowing I don't fit back there, and I can never really fit here. Where in the world do you find your point of reference then? I love watching a British comedy, in Africa, as a American. It's clear I am not very culturally confused!
And would I do this all over again, if I knew some of the reflections I would see when I took a deep hard look at myself? If I knew how homesick I would get at times? If I knew how I would be labeled by my skin color over and over everyday? I would, a million times over. Because they are worth it, and this is worth it. Nothing with any worth comes easily. When you put your heart and soul into something, it is never a flawless process. It is a beautifully messy process.

1 comment:

  1. Love this & you. May God quench your thirst. Renew your spirit. Immeasurably bless you. Praying for you always my dear friend. <3