Friday, October 18, 2013

Plan's change.


That girl. That girl who in 2011 could it have been that long ago?! who stood watching this team who came to the orphanage she grew up in, leaning against the brick orphanage wall, observing. That girl who I talked to, fell in love with, and who changed my life. That same girl, who has taught me so much in the last few years, about patience, acceptance, love, and how to laugh so hard you literally are on the ground laughing. That girl, who I had plans for.

And that’s where the story takes a big change. I had plans for her. I had a very direct plan. I would move here, and when she finished school, I would scoop her up, and take her home, and she could go to college in America, she could live there, with me. I would never have to let her go again, always keep her close, and smother her with love.

And the plan was going so well, here I was in Rwanda, cheering her through her education.

But then...... but then! Then I started to watch her being shaped into a leader. Watched her start a bible study and prayer group, meeting at her bed, in her dorm room, every night. I have watched her start to test her wings. I have watched God shape so much compassion and patience in her heart. Not to say she doesn’t have her teenage moments for sure. But I have seen her rise above! Again and again and again.

And suddenly my plans seemed...... selfish.

Rwanda needs her here.

I started to stop considering what my plans were for her, and started to ponder what Gods plans where for her. I know, duh! And all of a sudden this idiot started to pray, not for God to make a way for me to scoop her away, but for me to not get in His way, for her life.

You see, I have been frustrated a lot lately. And a clear share of it is with myself.

Broken promises and comparison have been two big ones.

After the team left from my church, me and the girls in the house took a fun day in Kigali for my birthday. We needed some down time, some time to bond and laugh. And not once but twice we were hit with comparison. How America was better, and had better opportunities. And secondly with a comparison to Kigali, and what we were missing out. And I found the girls starting to want what others coined as better, a solution.

It was that night my frustrations rambled out of my mouth, as tears rolled down my cheeks. How dare you! How dare we feel this way. God has us right where he wants us. The best place for any of us to be, is not where you can go bowling anytime you well feel like it. Or you paycheck meets your desire for entertainment. The best place for any of us to be in the center of Gods will for us.

Anyone to feel, that their solution is a location, or material things, has got it all wrong.
Lots of love from Rwanda,
Tina

1 comment:

  1. I'm with you Tina, life seems to be full of times of "releasing", our lives, our plans, and those of the people we love. God's ways are not our ways...love

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