Thursday, February 21, 2013

Our lives flipped upside down

Yep, my days pretty much revolve around this drooling, growing at the speed of light, giggly, little boy. From meals, to snacks, teething, and bedtimes, and establishing routines. It changes your whole world when you let a infant into it. His little world has changed, as well as mine. It has changed all for the better. The hardest obstacle has been sleep. I immediately implimented a routine of sleep for this little guy, and meals, as soon as he came home. He totally loves trying new foods, and you cannot get it in his mouth fast enough. We don't deal too much with the crying between bites anymore, which is FANTASTIC. I think he has learned, the food will keep on coming. But like I said, sleep is still a issue. Before his naps were going like clockwork. And his nighttime, sleep routine was the one with the issue. Always waking a mama up like 5-6 times in a night. Often he finds comfort for me to pick him up out of his crib, lay him on my chest, and he would snuggle back into sleep. In which I could then lay him down next to me, and go back to sleep myself. Now, we have switched it for longer night times of sleep, to virtually non existent nap times. I struggled at first to think my little man was having nightmares and night terrors. Surely a infant has no memory of his abandonment, and time in the orphanage. This as you struggle to establish to him that you are the mama, and you will meet his needs, and that not every adult is a caregiver, or parent figure. But the more research and reading I have done. My little guy has nightmares and night terrors. They have lessoned so much, but still they happen. Last night as I layed in bed, with him sound asleep in the crib next to me, I was reading "Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child" and came to the part on sleep. This was after reading how infants retain memories. How even after a few days old, being seperated from their mom, they pefeer their moms voice, from the voice of other woman. How toddlers as young as one, have been able to play out, what happened and how they were orphaned, with no one telling them prior. How they do in fact retain the memories. Infants might not be able to tell you or play out, but how they respond even months after being seperated from their birth mom, respond to their voice, by more vigerous suckling. I was not a keen fan, on the fact that you should not wake a baby or child from a night terror. My sweet little man will begin to cry and scream in his sleep, and be a asleep. Sometimes with his eyes open, and screaming, but once he calms down, his eyes close, and his breathing goes back to his normal sleeping rhythm. (I can tell when he has fallen asleep wrapped on my back, by his breathing) So this little man has some past things to get past. As we continue to establish I am his mama. I have noticed changes in that area as well. It amazes me, how he does not want to go to the other girls, much to their dismay from time to time. If he see's me, its all over. Which makes it kinda hard to make a bottle, as he freaks out if he see's the bottle being made, and he does not have it immediately. I have also noticed, how when we are not home, he is more hesitent of strangers. He is more apt to the giggles and play with people he is unfamilar if he is in his home. Outside of it, his little eyes scan everywhere, and he might look at you, like who in the world are you? Indeed his little world has been flipped upside down, no longer with a parade of caregivers. And indeed my life has been flipped upside down, with this little guy attached to my hip everyday. And I do not think either me or him would change that for anything. Even in the days when my eyes are blood shot, and I cry because I feel so horrible for him screaming and crying in his sleep, knowing he is having a night terror. (ugh, really. Do NOT wake him up from these? Kill. A. Mama!) Even on the hardest days, my life is so much better with him. He came into my life as quiet the little surprise. This little 3 week old baby who captured my heart, and dominated my prayers. I had no idea back then, that this little boy, would one day call me mama. Two nights ago as he slept, and I held him in my arms, I prayed his over my little guy.

Psalms 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Moses will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover Moses with his feathers,
and under his wings Moses will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be Moses shield and rampart.
Moses will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at Moses side,
ten thousand at his right hand,
but it will not come near him.
Moses will only observe with his eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

If Moses say, "The Lord is my refuge,"
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
no harm will overtake him,
no disaster will come near his tent.
For he will command his angels concerning Moses
to guard him in all your ways;
they will lift Moses up in their hands,
so that he will not strike your foot against a stone.
Moses will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

"Because Moses loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

Did I tell you about Moses, bringing to the orphanage? He was left in a cardboard box, near the gates, in a rain storm. That is why I call him Moses.

Exodus 2:10 NIV "She took him to Pharoahs daughter and he became her son. She named Him Moses, saying "I drew him out of the water."

His Rwandese name is Habinaza which means "Their is goodness in God." When I started to foster him and he was brought to me, I was asked to give him a second name. In which in no hesitation I said "Moses."

Moses when I met him at 3 weeks old.
Middle of the night giggles...
First taste of mac n cheese. Yep, he's my son.
First taste of chocolate pudding. Success!!
I told you he is growing a warp speed. Started crawling a few weeks home!
Not a great picture, but right after I snapped this shot, He took HIS FRIST STEP!
Promptly falling on his bottom. But I think we might have a walker soon!
First time at Lake Kivu, very unsure of this big bathtub.
3 week old Moses hands, resting on mine in sleep.
My ever growing little man.
The man of the house at Serena for dinner, for a go get em,
dinner with sister Alysse, before boarding school.
Yep, my life has been flipped upside down, in the most beautiful way.
My routine has been shaken up in the most amazing ways.
Everything has changed in the best ways possible.
Mama, loves you so much Moses. And as I look back at your life, the tears,
they just flow. As you have dominated my prayers and time.
And your mama would have it no other way.
You will not walk this out alone, little man.
Mama is right here. And refuses to budge if you are not beside her.
Lots of love from Rwanda,

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